Book Extract: Mrs Bambi Knows by Chris Mason

I am pleased to be welcoming Chris Mason to Novel Kicks. He’s here with the blog tour for his novel, Mrs Bambi Knows.

In a small town in Oregon, everyone wants to kill the local advice columnist, Mrs Bambi. If only they knew who she was.

Mrs Bambi’s advice is so snarky that people have long since stopped asking for it. Instead she eavesdrops on conversations and writes the letters herself. The readers would lynch her, but no one knows who she is.

In fact, Mrs. Bambi is not a woman. The column is written by Richard, a quiet widower with a young daughter.
The uneventful part of Richard’s life is nearly over: he begins dating Pam, a well-known realtor and a sports addict. When people begin to learn the identity of Mrs. Bambi, Richard is threatened and humiliated in public. Despite the pleas of his editor, his friends, and Pam, he refuses to stop writing the column.
The only thing that can prevent disaster is for the town to finally learn the whole truth about Richard, which is much larger than the simple mystery of Mrs. Bambi.

Set in 1995, Chris Mason’s skillful storytelling brings a tale of humour and romance – and not a little peril – charmingly to life in the mind of the reader.

Chris has shared an extract today. Enjoy! 

*****beginning of extract*****

The advice (agony aunt) column in a small town newspaper is written by a widower using the alias Mrs. Bambi. Because no one will ask him for advice anymore, he eavesdrops on peoples’ conversations and writes the questions and the answers himself. Every chapter in the book begins with one of the advice columns. Here’s an example.

Dear Mrs. Bambi:

My mother is sick, but not as sick as she thinks she is. She’s an incurable hypochondriac, and I think it’s going to kill me.

Last week her vision went blurry. She called me at one in the morning, hours after I’d gone to bed, to tell me she had an eye tumor. I drove over and cleaned her glasses for her.

The week before it was bone cancer, because her hip joint was hurting. She’s had that problem ever since a skiing accident forty years ago. A while ago it was lung cancer. She has never smoked. Last Thanksgiving she thought she had prostate cancer. I had to explain to her that she doesn’t have a prostate.

She’s 64, she can out-hike both me and my children, she has strong bones and she’s going to live to be 99. I doubt if I’m going to make it to 40 if this keeps up. How can I make her stop complaining about her health?

—Fed Up

Dear Grouchy:

Get sick.

Dear Mrs. Bambi:

I’ve read about a new migraine pill that has almost no side-effects. I get migraine headaches once or twice a month, so I looked up the information on this stuff. It’s pretty scary. When they gave extremely high doses to pregnant rats, the rat pups tended to die within the first four days.

Now I’m confused. Is this drug safe or not?

—Head Pained

Dear Pain In The Neck:

The answer is simple. Don’t take this medicine if you’re pregnant and the father is a rat.

***** end of extract*****

About Chris Mason – 

Born in Ohio, Chris has moved around too much for anyone’s good, living in several places that might be considered tourist attractions. He mines those experiences for the settings of his books.

He lives in Florida with his wife, two dogs, two cats, and a smart-aleck macaw who has pets of her own.

Click here to buy Mrs Bambi Knows on Amazon UK, Amazon US or you can buy via 186 Publishing. 

by

Laura

I’m Laura. I started Novel Kicks in 2009. I wanted a place to post my writing as well as give other writers like me the opportunity to do the same. There is also a monthly book club, a writing room which features writing prompts, book reviews, competitions, author interviews and guest posts.

I grew up by the sea (my favourite place in the world) and I currently live in Hampshire. I am married to Chris, have a cat named Buddy and I would love to be a writer. I’m trying to write the novel I’ve talked so much about writing if only I could stop pressing delete. I’ve loved writing since creative writing classes in primary school. I have always wanted to see my teacher Miss Sayers again and thank her for the encouragement. When not trying to write the novel or writing snippets of stories on anything I can get my hands on, I love reading, dancing like a loon and singing to myself very badly. My current obsession is Once Upon a Time and I would be happy to live with magic in the enchanted forest surrounded by all those wonderful stories provided that world also included Harry Potter. I love reading chick lit. contemporary fiction and novels with mystery.